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It's Not You, It's Me... no really, It's Me

Have you ever stopped to take a critical look at the relationships in your life? If so you'll remember the feeling of dread when you come face to face with the fact that some of your relationships are unhealthy and even harmful. The feeling of "whoops" comes in when you realize that unhealthy relationships are most often developed when we are in an unhealthy place ourselves. Many times the person with relationship issues is able to identify that their unhealthy relationship is a by-product of seeking to end their own loneliness.

If you have not been through this process take note: It is not easy to evaluate relationships! Because of our own fallibleness it is hard to evaluate relationships. Can we determine that someone or some relationship in our life is unhealthy when we ourselves are sometimes struggling and still in the growth process? Yes! We can and should.

Knowing how you fit and where you stand in the hearts of those people in your life is an important part of getting and staying healthy emotionally, spiritually and even physically. Evaluating relationships is not for the faint of heart. This relationship evaluation process has personally been one of the most difficult, gut-wrenching things I have ever engaged in. As a result of evaluating the relationships in my life I've most often chosen to develop new boundaries. These boundaries require me to take a step back from some and seek severance from other relationships...not an easy thing!

This process has broken my heart while at the same time pronounced my freedom. Years that I spent in bondage to poor choices, failures and past regrets are years of living in dysfunction; those are years that I cannot get back. The good news in all of this heart-ache with ending unhealthy relationships is that I am unbound and free to enjoy healthy relationships, great consequences and peace. Peace... oh, how I am so very thankful for peace in my heart!

These boundaries have been uncomfortable and people who have been very important in my life have had a knee jerk reaction to boundaries that I have set. I totally understand! I always need to clarify that my boundaries are not about you and where you are in life but they are about me, where I'm at and where I'm going. Setting boundaries does not mean that I no longer love or care about the other. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Healthy boundaries will allow me to more honestly love and care about the other.

"I have chosen not to remain at this speed bump on the road of my life. I have chosen to grow, change and move forward. Life is too short for me to live on the edge of a black hole where I use all my energy to strain against being sucked in. I refused to hold grudges, keep secrets and compromise! I will speak truth, forgive and live justly. The desire for right living and the love for truth that is deep in my heart will not allow me to remain in this same place any longer. Today, I clearly see a goal ahead of me and today I no longer walk shackled with guilt, shame, fear and unbelief. Today - I am FREE!" Tia Rocker

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Location: Tucson, AZ 85705, USA

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